AN INNER TROUBLE TECHNIQUE
There are times in life when we all face inner demons, worries, guilt, remorse over things that have happened in the past or problems we have in the present. Psychology is defined as the study of how people behave, think and feel. It is a field that provides many useful methods for resolving personal disturbance, sometimes felt chronically, perhaps for your entire life and sometimes for a short periods of difficulty.
This article is about one method that is very easy to use on your own that has an amazing ability to resolve complex personal issues. I don't hear much about it. In fact, few seem to even know of its existence. More about this specific technique but first a little history.
This article is about one method that is very easy to use on your own that has an amazing ability to resolve complex personal issues. I don't hear much about it. In fact, few seem to even know of its existence. More about this specific technique but first a little history.
My own journey with psychology: I grew up living in New York City and even lived in Manhattan for quite some time, working on Wall Street. This was in the 1960s and 1970s. At the time women were having more success in the business world. I was fortunate to become the second woman appointed to an officer position at JPMorgan's central bank, Morgan Guarantee Trust Company. It was a coveted promotion.
Something you might not expect is that a surprising number of successful women in the business world in New York may have worked hard all day but many evenings were in the offices of psychiatrists. Most of my friends including myself would see a therapist at least twice a week for years. I knew some people who were in analysis five evenings a week. It would be our biggest expense, even more than rent at the time. (My rent for a West Side one bedroom apartment in 1968 was $218 and rent controlled. It even had a fireplace.) I eventually learned a great deal about several different psychology techniques.
When I moved to California in the mid 70s I attended Sonoma State University to study psychology further in my quest for a Master of Arts in Psychology. It was a fortunate time. Sonoma State was the center for the development of a dynamic new field of psychology: Humanistic Psychology. Originated by Carl Rogers with his person centered approach, this field quickly embraced many other alternatives and formed rich and effective treatment methods not restricted by the limited reach of traditional Freudian analysis. Out of Humanistic Psychology has come many wonderful approaches to dealing with human misery. Some of these physically based. Alexander Technique, Rosen Technique, Traeger Technique, Doris Breyer Method, Somatic Yoga are all vivid examples of successful treatment approaches. I have studied many of these. I have used Doris Breyer's Method for over 45 years now. It has been an integral foundation for all of my dance and teaching.
Something you might not expect is that a surprising number of successful women in the business world in New York may have worked hard all day but many evenings were in the offices of psychiatrists. Most of my friends including myself would see a therapist at least twice a week for years. I knew some people who were in analysis five evenings a week. It would be our biggest expense, even more than rent at the time. (My rent for a West Side one bedroom apartment in 1968 was $218 and rent controlled. It even had a fireplace.) I eventually learned a great deal about several different psychology techniques.
When I moved to California in the mid 70s I attended Sonoma State University to study psychology further in my quest for a Master of Arts in Psychology. It was a fortunate time. Sonoma State was the center for the development of a dynamic new field of psychology: Humanistic Psychology. Originated by Carl Rogers with his person centered approach, this field quickly embraced many other alternatives and formed rich and effective treatment methods not restricted by the limited reach of traditional Freudian analysis. Out of Humanistic Psychology has come many wonderful approaches to dealing with human misery. Some of these physically based. Alexander Technique, Rosen Technique, Traeger Technique, Doris Breyer Method, Somatic Yoga are all vivid examples of successful treatment approaches. I have studied many of these. I have used Doris Breyer's Method for over 45 years now. It has been an integral foundation for all of my dance and teaching.
There is a simple psychological exercise from one of those wonderful alternative therapies that I have used at pivotal times in my life that has been transformative. It is so effective that I am very surprised it isn't used much more.
What is that technique? It comes from Gestalt Psychology.
Gestalt is defined as an organized whole perceived as more than the sum of its parts. Gestalt therapy is really all about stepping into the other person's shoes and seeing life from a different perspective. We are all familiar with that concept but using the technique in a formal setting makes a big difference in effectiveness. It's easiest just explaining how the technique works.
Imagine that you have a long held conflict going on with your mother and now that your mother has passed you have no way to resolve it.
Obviously you are not talking to your mother. You are actually talking to your idea of your mother. This kind of conversation has the potential to become an amazing resolution of deeply held resentments as well as unexpressed love. It can provide quite a beautiful process of transformation and healing.
Imagine that you have a long held conflict going on with your mother and now that your mother has passed you have no way to resolve it.
- Put 2 chairs out in the middle of the room, facing each other.
- Place yourself on one of the 2 chairs and imagine that your mother is sitting on the other. Speak to her. Ask her about what concerns you. Maybe it's "Why did you treat my sister so much better than you treated me" or "You didn't understand what your drinking did to me" or "I never told you how much I love you". Unspoken needs. Unspoken dreams that can now be cleared.
- Stand up and move to the other chair. Speak as if you are your mother. Speak to your self you now imagine sitting in the first chair and answer. As your mother, explain how it feels to now hear how her behavior affected you then and now.
- Have an ongoing conversation with your mother, expressing regret, pain, anger, love, resolution on both sides. Hear her side of the story. Stick to how these things make (made) you feel.
- One of the reasons for the power of this approach is the physical positioning of actually changing where you sit. It can be 2 pillows on the floor or 2 sturdy chairs in your living room. The actual moving from one to the other is very important even though it might seem silly to some.
Obviously you are not talking to your mother. You are actually talking to your idea of your mother. This kind of conversation has the potential to become an amazing resolution of deeply held resentments as well as unexpressed love. It can provide quite a beautiful process of transformation and healing.
This exercise can reveal quite profound and unexpected resolutions. It is a wonderful way to learn about how to listen to others instead of second guessing them or making assumptions that may not be true.
Examples of great Gestalt conversations between yourself and:
- Anyone who has passed.
- Anyone from your past that you still have issues with. Perhaps your former husband or wife.
- Any intractable current relationship like how your sister in law hates you because ???.
- Your family member from the opposite political persuasion. In this case, try not to have a political talking points discussion with your imagined family member. Speak as a real person whose feelings are strongly affected by the other.
Counseling offers excellent resources for learning about ours and others' behavior and feelings. It is an especially important tool to use when we experience trauma, whether it be in the form of physical or emotional trauma. Unfortunately counseling is not available for many in timely and affordable means. At the same time it is not sought after as it has been at other times in our culture's history. That's a shame because there is so much value in developing self awareness and therapy is one path that offers much opportunity.
If you have troubling feelings or experiences or are bothered by you relationship with others or have family issues dominating then counseling is an appropriate choice. If working with the exercise suggested here brings up issues that are disturbing, please consider talking with someone about them whether that person is a good friend, spiritual advisor, teacher, parent or counselor.
If you have troubling feelings or experiences or are bothered by you relationship with others or have family issues dominating then counseling is an appropriate choice. If working with the exercise suggested here brings up issues that are disturbing, please consider talking with someone about them whether that person is a good friend, spiritual advisor, teacher, parent or counselor.