Being Older

BEING OLDER (THE NEW OLDER)

Lately I have been thinking about being older: being older in today's society; being older in our body and our mind; being older in other's eyes. Today I am introducing you to a new concept: "The New Older".

There are two things that I dislike intensely: the first is the manner in which we treat ourselves. We regularly call ourselves names about all kinds of things. We say we are "idiots", "stupid", "crazy" and any other number of rude insults. If we called our friends these things they would no longer be our friends. Why are we so rude to ourselves?

My second concern is to never call anyone "old", especially yourself. It is a terrible word to use in association with humans. Being "old" means you are ready for the garbage heap. Instead use the word "older", a word that immediately conjures up wisdom.

Here are some thoughts on being older:

Getting older has a particular resonance for women: We have to fight a tidal wave of degradation based on our age. Many in our society think being young is when we are most beautiful. And that women have lost their allure after a certain age. The role models of youth are everywhere. Especially in Hollywood, television and online. There is so much negativity about older women in this country that we really have to protect ourselves from the pessimism and build our own idea of "The New Older".

But The New Older refers to anyone, not just women: It is a wonderful approach for how to navigate through this complex and often difficult life. Not just for men or women or people older. It is for any age, any sex, any culture.

What is The New Older?

Some thoughts on what the aging process can be if we choose it. These may not all be achievable, but they are excellent ideas to strive for:

What is The New Older? Being active is very important to us: Staying active is a better predictor of health and well being than any other. Focusing on physical activity for a specific period of time daily is essential in my opinion. Gardening is a wonderful activity, but we are not focusing on our body while we do it, nor how to use it properly nor how to strengthen or stretch it. That focus is pivotal to aging well. You could call that focus "exercise". So, do your exercise and then garden.

We exercise for at least 30 minutes a day: The exercise can be anything: golfing, walking, attending balance classes, Tai Chi, yoga classes or doing our own daily workout regimen. If traditional exercise is not possible, we adapt to our situation and focus for a specific time daily on things like breathing more deeply, eye exercise, hand agility, mindfullness.
If something comes up, our exercise takes priority: In other words, we schedule our life around our activity.
If we go on vacation or otherwise cannot exercise, we make sure to get right back into it as soon as possible: We understand that we probably won't feel like it but we do it anyway.
If we get sick or injured, we learn from the experience, do physical therapy diligently and come out of recuperation stronger than before.

What is The New Older? Other aspirations:

We try not to let life rattle us: We stick to our routine and that gives us a foundation we can rely on, especially whenever we are under stress.
We get help from wherever we need it: We are not afraid to ask for help and follow through with advice that is sound.
The new older person doesn't stop when obstacles appear in our path: We persevere, slowly and with care. Sometimes all we do is practice deep breathing to alley anxiety about the future. But we never stop.
We are interested in lots of different things: We experiment with art or begin singing in groups or join Toastmasters to learn to speak well publicly.
More than anything else, the new older person doesn't believe the myths about aging that everyone around us do.

We create our own story about what aging can be.

One story of recuperation:

At Thanksgiving time, 2024 I was diagnosed with a compression fracture of one of my lumbar vertebrae. The treatment was to basically not move my back for 4-6 weeks. In other words, act like I had a back brace on all the time. After 7 weeks I had a repeat x-ray which showed that the fracture had completely healed. Not moving my spine, however, had repercussions.

Here are some of the realizations that have accompanied this recuperation:

Most major injuries have consequences in other areas: These are called compensating injuries. For instance, if you have one leg injured from a hip or knee replacement or other surgery or injury, then the other leg often gets used more with consequential results. That second leg will frequently experience a compensating injury. I developed two: a chest muscle got inflamed from not being able to sit up straight and a hip muscle got pulled from not dancing as much as normal. Sometimes the compensating injuries are worse than the original one. In any case they are a part of the recuperation process.
I am amazed at two contradictory things: how difficult it is to regain strength and agility after such a hibernation and how much my body remembers about how to move from before my back fracture. Both are true. It is tough getting back to "normal" and in many ways it's like we were never gone. In other words, the body remembers. It's like getting back on a bicycle.
As I regain my abilities, I have to work through lots of small hurts and discomforts: Don't let the little things bother you. Don't use them as an excuse to stop. Keep going, but do so with the proper technique and core use. As we recuperate we need to use our core more than ever because injury is more likely due to loss of strength. Think of pulling your belly in to do anything.
My body seems to need more time to recuperate from this injury: Luckily, I am retired so I can spend as much time as I want and need, to carefully and slowly make progress every day in some way.

Consistency is once again the name of the game.
Small steps practiced consistently will make you thrive.

My own recuperation regimen:

Increase in core strength became a prime objective: The best way to protect my lumbar vertebrae from getting stress fractures again is to strengthen the core. This became an overriding goal in my recuperation.

I had to learn to stretch standing up: I couldn't lie down on the floor, my favorite thing all my life. So I couldn't do many traditional stretches. I was forced to find new ways.
All the wonderful seated exercises that I teach were off limits because they hurt my back. Any sitting exercise hurt it. But when I began physical therapy after healing, the seated spine exercises from Building Better Balance helped a lot.
I experimented with dance drills that didn't hurt my back: I found different strength and balance building exercises that I could do without endangering my back. It turned out to be from two sources: yoga and ballet.
Standing yoga balances have always been central in my training: Standing on one foot, balancing is wonderful for your feet, your balance and especially your core.
Ballet exercises became the foundation of my recuperation, much to my own surprise: Basic ballet exercises were wonderful for me because in ballet, the spine doesn't move much and core strength is emphasized.
Aerial yoga became a source of strength dynamically: I decided to learn aerial yoga once I healed from the fracture. I am in the beginnings and it is challenging and a wonderful activity for me to add to my training.
The most important thing for me is that I prioritize my recuperation. It becomes the central objective in my life. I love working with like minded health professionals and often take advantage of the vibrant support community we have locally. I give myself plenty of time and bask in the exercises and the movements as if they were a luxury. I make certain to follow schedules, physical therapy daily sessions for instance.
I really take my time and do things at my own pace and my body determines that pace, not my mind. I don't set unreasonable goals. Nor try to do what I used to do. I go where my body wants to take me and my soul follows. I haven't gone back to the gym yet but I will. That method isn't right for me now. It will be again. But no matter what, I always try to make progress every day in some small way.

About Physical Therapy:

I have been reminded once again how valuable physical therapy is. If you perform the home program religiously, you are much more likely to regain full function and at a fraction of the time it takes to heal otherwise. One injury I had five years ago was estimated to heal in one year. I did it in four months because I practiced the therapy exercises three times a day. The biggest problem by far in my experience regarding physical therapy is that very few people practice that home program. It is the bread and butter of the therapy. Office visits are for instruction, correction and checking in. They are not designed for being the only time you do the exercises. You have to do them on your own every day to make any real progress. But it is difficult to do when you have to do them alone.

That is why I believe one of the highest goals a therapist should have is to motivate clients to do the home program. That does not seem to be their purpose. I have not seen much emphasis on this in either my own visits to physical therapists or listening to others' experiences.

And unfortunately it looks like physical therapy protocol is changing. Now it is recommended that the patient watch a video lecture and demonstration about their condition with exercises described and demonstrated instead of in-office visits with a physical therapist. This is unfortunate because motivation to do the exercises is even less.

Find out what the exercises are and do them.
Do not expect to want to.
Do it anyway.

More About Physical Therapy

There are lots of wonderful things that happen as we age. Here are some good things about being older:

We have to become more conscious: Those who are less conscious age more quickly and certainly are more likely to fall. To age successfully we have to become more aware in a number of ways: We have to become more physically aware of our surroundings, more mentally aware of how we can take advantage of the situation through growth, more spiritually aware of our calling. But this is a wonderful necessity. The more aware you are the better many things are.
We don't have to care any more about what others think: We waste so much of our energy being concerned with others' opinions about ourselves. At a certain point in life, it no longer matters. We may as well be ourselves and the ironic part of it is that we are far more interesting that way anyway.
We can grow through the difficulties presented by health while aging: If we learn from the experiences, we can heal and grow. It is very possible to lessen symptoms of most chronic conditions through awareness and education and learning to deal with the fear, depression and anxiety that accompanies ill health holds incredible potential for increasing strength, positivity and well being.
Our eyesight may actually improve: Cataract surgery may result in much better eyesight if you chose the option to have prescription lens used during the simple operation.
Medical Insurance: In general, senior medical costs are low compared to those for working adults. Medicare is a well run program that pays for most medical care costs for seniors. Senior Advantage Plans cover things that Medicare does not. Not all plans are equal. Our own medical costs are very low because we are members of the insightful health management company Kaiser Permanente.

But not all is good. Many say that getting older is not for the faint of heart. It does take thought and learning through experience to counter the problems of aging. Here are some of the difficult things about being older:

You have to become more conscious: It's a good and a not so good thing. You have to be more careful all the time and that takes mental energy. We have to concentrate on a number of things at the same time: pull your belly in, look in the direction you are walking, don't look down but be aware of hazards along the way. No wonder we are tired more of the time.
Muscles, tendons and ligaments and joints tighten more: Basically we get stiffer faster. When we are young we can get away with sitting on the sofa for hours with no noticeable ill effects. When we are older we can barely stand up from the stiffness.
Walking becomes more difficult: This is mostly because we become less active and the strength and flexibility of our legs, knees and feet lessen. When walking is hard, many things can no longer be done and we feed an incessant downward spiral. We do less because we are weak; we get weaker because we do less.
Inactivity has a more severe effect on the mind: Our thinking stiffens. In other words, we become more stubborn and that stubbornness is stronger, more profound and often against our own self interests. This is only true if we do nothing about it. We can keep our mind and our thinking open if we choose to. But it is harder to do if we are physically inactive.
Hearing deteriorates: As our hearing deteriorates we become more isolated and that in turn causes many to become older faster as our socialization skills decline.
Health suffers: Perhaps the most discouraging thing about aging is that our health declines. Systems age and start not working (like hearing for example). We have chronic conditions that can be daunting: conditions like arthritis, heart disease, spine deterioration, osteoporosis. We can learn from these experiences but many simply survive and hope for better medicines and more effective pain killers.

Aging is a challenge:

Most people are exceptionally affected by society's beliefs about our age: Almost everyone I know is defeatist about getting older. As we get up off of the sofa and we are stiff, what do we say to ourselves? "I'm getting old." No you are not getting old. You simply sat too long. Most people believe that they are over the hill and that there is nothing they can do about it. This is the common belief even if they are walking out of a lecture on what to do about it! It is such an ingrained attitude that it is dangerous.
Comparisons to others or ourselves at an earlier age are destructive: We may fully maintain or regain our abilities or we may need to find a "new normal". What is important is today and tomorrow. We want to do our best today and tomorrow we want to do better.
There are many points along the path where we fall behind or take steps backwards: We just need to envision a new path for ourselves going forward, without resorting to worry and doom fantasizing.

You only get old if you do nothing about it.

The best medicine of all is exercise.
It can change the aging process into one of delight and discovery
instead of depression and anxiety.

For every hour you exercise, you live 3 hours longer.
If you exercise consistently for 30 minutes a day, you will live 7 years longer than those who do not.

What is our path going forward?

For 20 years I taught in Santa Rosa Junior College's Older Adults Program. I taught over 8,000 classes at local senior centers, senior residences, assisted living residences and skilled nursing facilities, mostly teaching exercise for those older. Of all the thousands of classes I taught, my very favorite was in a nursing home on visualizing our paths from this point forward.

Older people are not usually thinking about their future path, unless it is worry about what might happen. We mostly think of the past or complain about the present. My students were all in wheel chairs. I asked each of them to think about how they wanted their future to be, and not from a fantastical attitude, but from a place of imagining realistic goals for themselves. We examined what these might be from different points of view: physical, intellectual, social, spiritual and a number of others. Then we imagined a real pathway in front of us. And here, it is actually helpful to have an image of a path: maybe through a forest, or in a garden, or across a field or down a country road. We thought of things that we would like to accomplish and we placed them on our path. Maybe, from a social perspective, we would like to have more friends. Then when faced with someone asking if we would like to welcome a new resident, we could remember our goal and volunteer enthusiastically.

I am suggesting that we each examine where we would like to be in our lives and to make concrete steps to getting there. It is very important that these be realistic goals. Saying you would like to be pain free is only ok as a goal if you are willing to take steps that reduce pain. Saying you would like to be rich will get you nothing but resentment if you have no prospects.

A valuable step in becoming "The New Older" is finding purpose in life every day. This purpose can be tiny or it can be lofty, as long as it is real to us. Understanding your path from this point forward is a wonderful method to help.

The Path Forward (written during the pandemic)