PANDEMIC LIVING: Alone and Isolated.

Living alone poses challenges in these pandemic times and many seniors live alone. Since seniors are at a higher risk of developing COVID-19 that means continued sheltering in place. This must be so hard for so many. For the time being we have to make do and if possible turn the unusual conditions we are experiencing now into a period of growth and change for us that allows for an even better rest of our life. We can learn skills in isolation that will make our life after covid far better than it was before covid. But it requires some self reflection and sensible decisions. I can help with both.

Who is at high risk of coronavirus infection?

Those at high risk of coronavirus infection includes anyone over 60 and/or those with the pre-existing conditions of obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, lung or heart disease. 23% of the United States are over age 60. 40% of American adults are obese. In effect, well over half the country is at high risk of coronavirus infection.

If you are at high risk and live in an area where the coronavirus is active then you should be doing the following things:
  • Isolate at home.
  • Avoid being indoors with people you do not live with.
  • Socially distance when out. Remain 6' apart from others.
  • Wear a mask. Wash them regularly.
  • Be fastidious in sanitation including frequent hand washing.

When you live alone:

For the first 15 years of my adult life I lived alone. I traveled alone. I moved to areas of the country where I didn't know anyone. I got really good at being self sufficient. But I also experienced incredible sadness and painful loneliness. I understand what it's like to be alone and I am here to help. 
  • The most difficult part of being isolated is loss of companionship. Being alone without speaking to others for days at a time is not good for us. We lose perspective. We become shaky, vulnerable, feeling weak.
  • Social interaction can no longer be casual during the pandemic. There is no dropping in of friends or family. When you do see them you must remain socially distant. Infection across familiars is a huge part of this pandemic. You may feel close to your daughter for instance but do not touch her when you see her. That is very hard and it goes against our instincts.
  • Social interaction now has to be deliberate. Plans have to be made. You have to meet your friends in your back yard instead of at your front door. It is much like living in a cocoon with careful exits planned ahead of time.
  • Hugging is not possible right now unless it's with those you live with. If you live alone that means no hugs. No hugging your granddaughter or best friend. It is painful not to do so but co-infection across families is very dangerous and widespread.
  • Living alone means that we have to be the ones to enforce our good habits. We can't rely on support from others as we have become used to. We have to be the ones who decide when we exercise and we are the only ones who care if we stick to it.

Structure Your Home Life

Having ongoing empty days without social visits makes it easy to get depressed. We feel like there is no point. That we make no difference. The lack of social interaction leaves us feeling undefined. It's easy to stay in your robe all day. It's easy to watch TV all day. It's hard to feel good when you do. Structure makes all the difference.

A sample structure for someone who lives alone: Other people provide much of the structure we have in life but when you live alone structure is completely absent unless you put it there. Nothing about what follows is written in stone. Define your own structure and change it as you need to. Be flexible but keep coming back to whatever your ideal is. Following a structure like this gives you a sense of accomplishment - lack of which is one reason we get depressed.
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  • Write in your diary upon waking.
  • Warm up your feet and knees before standing.
  • Have a light breakfast.
  • Get dressed. Brush your teeth.
  • Morning activity: Exercise.
  • Plan for the meals for the rest of the day. Make your shopping list. Order home delivery. Cook.
  • Luncheon.
  • Make social phone calls and write letters.
  • Afternoon activity: Creativity. 
  • Dinner.
  • Evening walk around the neighborhood.
  • TV viewing. Reading.
  • Write in your diary upon going to bed.
  • Do deep breathing exercises to relax before sleep.
This seems simple minded but it is surprisingly effective to schedule at least some of your day, especially now that days are so empty. Of all these things, the highest priority is to schedule your daily exercise. More about that later.
Clicking on the button below reveals far more information on
​how to structure our endless pandemic days.

The Stay At Home Social Life

If you live at home alone as many do then this means a very restricted life with little interaction with others. So we have to get creative in our communications with others. In some ways it is good to have to be so distant. We can make deliberate choices about who and how we want to be close to others.
  • Call people on the phone: Use the phone to visit instead of in person visits. Redevelop the ability to have superb long phone conversations.
  • Online communication can be wonderful. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter et all are excellent ways to keep in touch with those you care about. One warning though. Political discussion online is often incendiary and offensive to many. It's easy to get hooked online during this time staying at home. Push yourself away from the computer for at least 5 minutes of every half hour. If you are feeling anxious, turn the computer off.
  • Don't wait for others to contact you. If you think of someone and wonder how they are then call or write to them and find out. No standing on protocol during a pandemic. Everyone is happy to hear from you.
  • Speak to someone every day.
  • Keep a journal.
  • Pets are terrific companions during these times. You can adopt during the pandemic. And we are all at home to oversee our new babies.
  • Give yourself a hug: In some ways hugs are a thing of the past. But we really need hugs and the touch of others. One solution may make you laugh. Hug yourself. I am not kidding. Give yourself a wonderful bear hug every day. Right as you finish exercising is a great time.

Most Important of All: Stay Active

​If you do only one thing, do this: Structure an exercise regimen for yourself for every day. I cannot emphasize how important this is. It always has been but it is far more so now that we are all so isolated. During this pandemic one of the first things to go for many has been regular exercise. Walking outdoors has been terrific but indoor exercising has diminished greatly and frankly not enough seniors were exercising regularly prior to the pandemic. Gyms are closed as are in person Senior Centers. Many of us relied on classes or workouts with others that are simply not available now.

As with our social communication, much more is deliberate now. It is completely up to us to maintain our activity level. Doing so cannot be overemphasized. It has more impact on our health than everything else combined.

Structure your exercise time:
  • Make an exercise schedule: Do you like working out in the morning, afternoon or evening? Maybe more than one. Plan to exercise every day for at least 30 minutes. Deciding on the time will help so much. Make a decision about what time is the best time for you and then stick to it.
  • What kind of exercise do you need? What kind do you want? Are you concerned with having falls? Then include balance exercise. Is anxiety a problem for you? Seated yoga classes might help.
  • Practice stress reduction techniques daily: These are anxious days. Anxiety does not go away by itself. Many available techniques reduce stress including deep breathing and structured meditation. Exercise does as well of course but specific relaxation methods should also be practiced daily.  
  • Exercising virtually is in: There are so many exercise classes available online and on TV. And you can purchase many specialized classes like the Building Better Balance series.
  • Be flexible. If for some reason you don't feel like that online balance class today and would prefer to take a walk instead, go for it but eventually return to your schedule.
  • When in doubt stick to your schedule.

Here is a sample exercise schedule:
  • Perhaps your best exercise time is 10-11am each day.
  • Monday, Wednesday and Friday take an online balance class or do one of the Building Better Balance DVD classes.
  • Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday take the PBS class Sit and Be Fit which your son prerecorded for you.
  • Take Sunday off.
  • Every evening walk after dinner.
  • Practice deep breathing exercises each morning to start your day and/or each nighttime to relax before sleep.
The most important aspect about an exercise program is that you do it consistently. Make it your highest priority. It is your health after all. Do the one thing that will improve your health more than any other factor. Here is a link to another BALANCE NEWS article, this one on how to put together a successful exercise program.

Throughout this entire process, another health technique is badly needed. We need to get better at the skill of grounding ourselves. We live in such a hyper reactive world right now that it is important to connect ourselves to reality from time to time. A lack of boundaries and clear rules for communications leaves us exposed to viral elements of our current challenges. Grounding is a wonderful steadying process that helps so much to reduce tension and anxiety. "Getting Grounded" describes what is entailed.

Published September 5, 2020