HOW WE ARE STRONG
The NOVID-19 coronavirus pandemic is forcing us all into isolation and more extreme circumstances than most of us have probably ever experienced. Panic and fear are everywhere, proliferated by constant dire media generated news. Fear is for the most part a destructive feeling. Panic is terrifying. The stress of the situation causes so many problems, physical and mental. We end up feeling defenseless and weak over events that we think we have no control over.
Feeling weak is nothing new to those older. It is a common complaint with good reason. Every year after the age of 50 we loose one per cent of our muscle mass each year unless we do something to reverse that. Our legs in particular weaken and it becomes more difficult to walk. But we also feel weaker emotionally as physical, emotional and financial challenges confront us. Our friends and loved ones pass. We are less mobile and less able to be active outside our homes. We face new health challenges sometimes even daily. And we suffer falls with a resultant fear of falling again. All these things affect our self confidence and we feel more fragile. In our current dilemma where we have to socially isolate, we feel particularly defenseless.
However, in reality we really are not weak at all. During times like this we learn a great deal about ourselves. We learn about how hardy we actually are. We learn that our past experiences have generated incredible personal strength that informs us today about our true abilities. But we must break through the perceptions that fear and panic influence to feel that stamina.
Feeling weak is nothing new to those older. It is a common complaint with good reason. Every year after the age of 50 we loose one per cent of our muscle mass each year unless we do something to reverse that. Our legs in particular weaken and it becomes more difficult to walk. But we also feel weaker emotionally as physical, emotional and financial challenges confront us. Our friends and loved ones pass. We are less mobile and less able to be active outside our homes. We face new health challenges sometimes even daily. And we suffer falls with a resultant fear of falling again. All these things affect our self confidence and we feel more fragile. In our current dilemma where we have to socially isolate, we feel particularly defenseless.
However, in reality we really are not weak at all. During times like this we learn a great deal about ourselves. We learn about how hardy we actually are. We learn that our past experiences have generated incredible personal strength that informs us today about our true abilities. But we must break through the perceptions that fear and panic influence to feel that stamina.
How the use of words affects us.
What has traditionally been considered strength? I used a thesaurus and found something interesting. Words that are synonyms for strength include:
I do not mean to single out how men and women are treated. It is to me simply an interesting observation and leads me to think that perhaps one reason we may feel weaker has to do with how we define strength. There are other qualities not mentioned above that in my opinion should be considered strengths. Qualities like:
On the other hand, some qualities that one might think of as strong are really more descriptive of weakness: Stubbornness, inflexibility, intolerance and rigidity among others.
- Power, brawn, muscularity, burliness, sturdiness, robustness, toughness, vigor, force, guts, might, stamina, fortitude, resilience, backbone, strength of character, courage, bravery, sturdiness - words that are frequently used to describe men.
- Spunk and pluckiness were the only synonyms I saw that might commonly be used to refer to women.
- Yet many of the synonyms for weakness do frequently get used to describe women. For instance: frailty, vulnerability, fragility, delicacy and timidity.
I do not mean to single out how men and women are treated. It is to me simply an interesting observation and leads me to think that perhaps one reason we may feel weaker has to do with how we define strength. There are other qualities not mentioned above that in my opinion should be considered strengths. Qualities like:
- Being open-minded.
- Being patient, kind, agile.
- Caring for others.
- Have the ability to forgive.
- Defending those you love.
- Valuing others for who they are.
- Allowing yourself to be willingly vulnerable.
On the other hand, some qualities that one might think of as strong are really more descriptive of weakness: Stubbornness, inflexibility, intolerance and rigidity among others.
Upon being involved somewhat in the field of weight lifting I have observed that many bodybuilders are actually quite weak. Braun without agility leads to chronically contracted muscles which lack suppleness. This leads to a situation I observed years ago as I watched highly muscled people having difficulty getting up and down off the floor. Their lack of flexibility reduced the effectiveness of their "strong" muscles dramatically. In other words, strength is not strength unless it includes agility.
How a rose is strong: When I started growing roses I was a bit timid about it because I had heard so much about how difficult and prone to disease they were. After having literally hundreds of roses bushes in my garden I have come to a different conclusion. They are hardy plants that actually stand well on their own and require far less care than you might think. Their delicacy and beauty belie their underlying durability. You can find many rose bushes that bloom spectacularly year after year with little or no attention at all. They are naturally strong and vigorous.
So are we!
Types of strength:
Links are provided in each section for articles that can be helpful.
Physical strength: The enemy of physical strength is inactivity.
As we age and become more inactive our muscles weaken. It becomes difficult to lift our legs up. It is hard to open jars and cans and we have to ask for help more and more of the time to do the things we always used to be able to do for ourselves.
Improve your physical strength:
Improve your physical strength:
- Exercise. One study of 95 year olds found that every participant increased their muscular strength over a 6 week period of weight lifting.
- This is a perfect time to take up building your physique.
- Watch and participate in online classes in gentle weight lifting using common objects in your home.
- Take seated exercise classes online or on your DVD player.
- Take the Building Better Balance classes to improve balance and reduce falls.
- Develop a daily exercise regimen that is easy, fun and makes you feel good and practice it consistently. I have included a link to Building Better Balance customized exercise lists to help you develop your own routine based on the physical challenges you face.
- Improve your diet. Include broccoli and/or spinach daily. Include anti-inflammatory foods in your diet. Improve your immune system through food and supplements.
- Take your vitamins.
Improve Immunity
Decrease Inflammation
Secrets to Successful Fitness
Heal Yourself Through Exercise
Customized Exercise Routines
Decrease Inflammation
Secrets to Successful Fitness
Heal Yourself Through Exercise
Customized Exercise Routines
Emotional or mental strength: The enemy of emotional strength is fear.
During these challenging days, fear is our worst enemy. It always causes us to make the wrong decisions. It depresses our ability to breathe. And it is very, very infectious. Take steps to reduce the fear and anxiety you feel. One of the best ways to do that during the NOVID-19 pandemic is to turn off cable and Internet news.
Recognize your innate talents and skills. Every one of you has done something astounding in your life. Give yourself credit. Pat yourself on the back. Perhaps you have brought up your family or provided for your family. Maybe you have given up something for yourself in order to help someone else. Maybe you have tried to make others' lives better in little ways every day. Maybe you have done courageous things on your own or had wonderful adventures. Perhaps you have overcome chronic pain to nonetheless live life with grace. These strengths are as great as toughness or backbone any day.
Improve your emotional strength:
Recognize your innate talents and skills. Every one of you has done something astounding in your life. Give yourself credit. Pat yourself on the back. Perhaps you have brought up your family or provided for your family. Maybe you have given up something for yourself in order to help someone else. Maybe you have tried to make others' lives better in little ways every day. Maybe you have done courageous things on your own or had wonderful adventures. Perhaps you have overcome chronic pain to nonetheless live life with grace. These strengths are as great as toughness or backbone any day.
Improve your emotional strength:
- Stop watching the news.
- Practice deep breathing exercises.
- Take seated Tai Chi and yoga classes online.
- Learn to focus your mind through meditation.
- Do not let panic and fear take over. Take action to interrupt the fear cycle.
- Learn how to ground yourself.
Intellectual strength: The enemy of intellectual strength is being uninformed.
Improve your intellectual strength:
- Start keeping a journal.
- Read. Turn off the TV, take a book off your shelf and read it.
- Take an online course in a topic you have always wanted to learn more about.
- Become informed about subjects that influence your life. Be well informed but do not let yourself become obsessive.
Spiritual strength: The enemy of spiritual strength is intolerance.
In many ways this is the most profound. It is how many of us get through the day. Especially in times like the ones we are in right now as we face the NOVID-19 pandemic. Belief in a power greater than ourselves is one of the most fundamental of strengths. Letting go of those things you cannot change, changing the things you can and understanding the difference provides more comfort and serenity than anything I can think of. Especially in times like these where many events are beyond our own control.
Improve your spiritual strength:
Strength without flexibility is not strength. This is true physically as well as spiritually.
Improve your spiritual strength:
- Improve your religious practice.
- Start a structured meditation practice. Use Mindfulness Meditation or other guided meditation. There are many video guided meditations online. A link to my favorite is below. It is a sound recording of a 20 minute Mindfulness Meditation presented by Jeremy Woodall. You can practice it sitting or lying down.
- Study the Oriental systems of yoga, Aikido, Tai Chi.
Strength without flexibility is not strength. This is true physically as well as spiritually.
Significant challenges like the NOVID-19 pandemic bring immense energy to everyone. That energy can transform life. The direction of that transformation depends on us.
They say that wisdom comes with age and I truly believe that. It has taken me many years to understand and develop my own wisdom. One of the ways that has happened has come through knowing others older. The most important role model in my life has been a soon to be 99 year old diminutive woman - my mother in law.
My Mother In Law is the strongest person I have ever known but you would not describe her that way if you met her. She is the friendliest person I have ever met, someone who accepted me with kindness even though in many ways we are so different. She lived through far worse times than these and came out of them, not jaded, but more open and loving. At the same time, if someone threatens her family or her loved ones, she is the very epitome of protector.
Irene was taken away from her parents and separated from her brother when her parents contracted tuberculosis in the days when that illness had no cure and the only treatment was to isolate. She was 6 and over the next 2 years watched both her parents die while having to sit across the room from them, never again giving them a hug or receiving one. (As we socially distance during this challenging pandemic, I can't help but admire her all the more.) She and her sister were kept together as they were brought up in foster care for 12 years with different families, often being treated as servants.
She married the love of her life at 18 only to be separated from him for 3 years during WWII, never knowing where he really was. We still don't know to this day where he served. At one point she did not hear from him for 3 months. And then, as if she didn't already have enough challenges, upon returning home, her husband was involved in a terrible motorcycle accident as he was run over by a garbage truck. He lost a lung, half his stomach and had to sleep the rest of his life sitting half up. He was in and out of the hospital for a year and a half and for many years was not expected to recover. She had to learn hard lessons in those days. In particular, to keep her emotions under wraps while attending to life and death matters.
Irene was taken away from her parents and separated from her brother when her parents contracted tuberculosis in the days when that illness had no cure and the only treatment was to isolate. She was 6 and over the next 2 years watched both her parents die while having to sit across the room from them, never again giving them a hug or receiving one. (As we socially distance during this challenging pandemic, I can't help but admire her all the more.) She and her sister were kept together as they were brought up in foster care for 12 years with different families, often being treated as servants.
She married the love of her life at 18 only to be separated from him for 3 years during WWII, never knowing where he really was. We still don't know to this day where he served. At one point she did not hear from him for 3 months. And then, as if she didn't already have enough challenges, upon returning home, her husband was involved in a terrible motorcycle accident as he was run over by a garbage truck. He lost a lung, half his stomach and had to sleep the rest of his life sitting half up. He was in and out of the hospital for a year and a half and for many years was not expected to recover. She had to learn hard lessons in those days. In particular, to keep her emotions under wraps while attending to life and death matters.
The basic principle of Aikido is that when a force is directed at you, instead of returning it in kind, simply step aside. The adversity dissipates because it is not challenged. Adversity thrives in a partisan environment.
A basic misunderstanding occurs in regard to confrontation. When a force is directed at you, often the worst thing to do is to confront it defensively. Usually all that does is increase the strength of that force. Aikido teaches us to let the force pass by us unchallenged. It will evaporate. We see this all the time in movies where the star vanquishes their enemies by moving aside as the blow arrives. It throws the adversary off balance and dissipates their strength. Mohammad Ali was a gifted boxer in part because of this dynamic.
In spite of its definition, strength is not winning by fighting.
In spite of its definition, strength is not winning by fighting.
Irene is the most positive person I have ever known, and she is so in spite of the immense difficulty that she has experienced. That positivity is her incredible strength. She is the best practitioner of the principles of Aikido even though she doesn't even know the word. If something negative enters her sphere, she simply ignores it, not out of weakness but out of strength. She is never rude and I have never heard her raise her voice. At every turn she deliberately chooses the path of the positive. She holds almost no grudges nor harbors resentments.
This is her way. It isn't everyone's nor should it be. Force is certainly necessary sometimes. My point is that force is not the only definition of strength.
This is her way. It isn't everyone's nor should it be. Force is certainly necessary sometimes. My point is that force is not the only definition of strength.
My own wisdom
For myself, it has taken many of my 76 years to understand my own personal strengths. I have led an independent and sometimes unconventional life and because it is different from others I have felt like the proverbial outsider. I never wanted to have children. I embarked on journeys traditionally handled by men and it took me a long time to finally marry. I thought of these things as inherent weaknesses because I didn't "fit in". As I have gotten older I have learned to see that those characteristics are actually incredible strengths.
Strength is all about perception. Strength is in the eye of the beholder.
Strength is all about perception. Strength is in the eye of the beholder.
What are my own personal strengths and how would I like to improve them?
- I am disciplined, especially in regard to physical training.
- I am courageous and independent. I traveled the world by myself at 25. I moved from New York to California on my own. I have had 4 successful careers: Wall Street systems analyst, teacher of elder exercise for 20 years, professional dancer for 45. I also created, developed, produced and marketed a series of DVD classes for seniors that I am very proud of.
- I love to know what's going on and am well informed about many things. I read a great deal about current events and am particularly enamored of statistical analysis of critical situations like understanding the NOVID-19 pandemic's spread.
- I have deep and strong feelings that I cannot hide.
- I love my husband deeply and understand how to help a long term relationship thrive. (Hint, fights over the remote control are never beneficial.)
- My natural inclination is to be supportive and loving.
- The strength I am the proudest of is that I have developed the ability to adjust and grow in adversity. I make lemonade out of lemons.
My Wish List:
- Sometimes I let my strong feelings get the better of me. Anger and fear can overwhelm me.
- Sometimes I am too moody with intense highs and lows. I would like to even my feelings out to be more balanced.
- I need to be better at handling stress. My sleep patterns need improvement and it is often hard for me to relax.
What are YOUR strengths? How would you like to get strong?
Here are some possibilities. Add your own to this list.
Do any of these qualities apply to you?
How would you like to change and grow? What is on your wish list?
- Being physically strong and flexible.
- Being spiritually active.
- Being mentally strong.
- Loving to travel.
- Loving to learn new things and meet new people.
- Getting on with life even if in pain.
- Being creative, an artist, a good cook, a veteran.
- Being disciplined, innovative, a good listener.
- Believing strongly in a power greater than yourself.
- Raising your children.
- Helping those in need.
- Taking good care of others.
- Caring for your aging parents.
- Taking good care of yourself.
- Being friendly, kind to others.
- Loving and caring for animals.
- Providing for and protecting your family.
- Accomplishing important projects.
- Being a supportive member of your church.
- Being a supportive member of your community.
How would you like to change and grow? What is on your wish list?
Writing this article in the midst of the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic has helped me to understand what it is I need to concentrate on doing during this next month as I socially isolate. How about you? Where will you be putting your efforts during your copious free time? Write it down and return to your lists regularly. Stay safe and well.
Published March 31, 2020