WHAT, ME WORRY?
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Alfred E. Neuman and Mad Magazine aside, worry is a very common feeling and a really destructive one at that. During the NOVID-19 coronavirus pandemic, it is very difficult not to worry, there being so many things one could worry about.
The subject of this article is finding peace during this time of turmoil by turning our worries over instead of being overrun by them. |
When should you worry? What are the real worries? In general, worry is only useful if there is something you can do about it. If there isn't, no matter how tragic or how much we empathize with those less fortunate, worry is not the answer.
While under self isolation in the spring of 2020, I find that the one phrase that carries more meaning to me than anything else is the Serenity Prayer.
While under self isolation in the spring of 2020, I find that the one phrase that carries more meaning to me than anything else is the Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can and
the wisdom to know the difference.
In some cultures worry translates into caring. If your mate is ill and you have done all you can, continuing to worry is not only nonproductive, it is dangerous and contributes to a negative outcome. Worry is so ingrained in our culture that this concept strongly runs contrary to our natural responses. Gird yourself, even from criticism from others, and do what is right for you.
Being unworried does not mean that you don't care.
There is a theme that runs through the following possibilities. Worry is helpful only in so far that it motivates us to do as much as we can to mitigate circumstances. Once we have done that, place worries to the side, use self discipline to move them to the "Ignore for now" category, take precautions to handle anxiety and follow recommendations for better health including: 6-8 hours of sleep nightly, healthy diet and staying physically active with at least 30 minutes of exercise a day.
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Worry
We worry that we may get infected: Take all precautions: socially distance, wash your hands upon arriving home, wear a mask when out in public.
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Don't Worry
Once you have done everything you can, stop worrying. Don't worry that you may catch COVID-19 because someone coughed near you, or got too close to you, or touched your grocery packages.
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We worry about a loved one being sick or possibly becoming ill: Do what you can to provide good nutrition and healthy habits. Keep your home safe.
We worry about our friend or family member doing something dangerous or harmful: Speak to them about it.
We worry about people who are less fortunate: Help in any way you can by contributing to causes you believe in like shelters for battered women. Pay those you normally would employ even if you cannot use their services: your hairdresser, your landscaper, your local restaurant.
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Turn your worries over to a power greater than yourself. Your worry will only translate into more harmful conditions.
Once you have done whatever you can, place your worry on hold. It is up to them to correct their behavior, not you.
Do not worry in general about those unemployed, sick or even dying once you have done whatever you can. All that worry accomplishes is makes you vulnerable to illness yourself. It is hard to do, but put your generic worry on the shelf and instead take care of yourself.
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We worry about the future of the economy: Take sensible precautions. Budget household expenses. Gather funds to invest at a future date. Apply for all assistance including unemployment.
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We have no idea how the economy will respond in the future. The reality may be better or worse than expected. Do not listen to opinion from those who don't know. If there's nothing you can do about it, stow the worry.
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We worry about the future of the country: Vote and make sure everyone you know does as well. Contribute to causes you believe in. Ground yourself.
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The media manipulates worry. Do not listen to media published opinion. Stick to facts instead of opinion. Refrain from political discussion that only inflames.
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You have probably noticed that the media will always report the worst that can happen. If there is a range of possibilities, they will create headlines based on the worst outcome instead of the best. If the end result is unknowable, reverse that and place your confidence in the best instead of the worst. This requires self disciple. The emotion of the moment will carry you away. Take a deep breath, resist and persist.
If you are worried about the direction of the country politically:
55.7% of those eligible to vote in the US did so in 2016.
107,000 votes in 3 states decided the outcome.
Support mail in voting.
VOTE!
How do you turn over worries?
- Stay centered in the present. Think about what you can do today instead of obsessing about tomorrow. Take one step at a time and do not indulge in future possibilities.
- Turn your worries over to a power greater than yourself. That power may be God, life force energy, the universe or any other name you choose to give it.
- Placing worries to the side requires self discipline. The worry revisits. Keep placing it to the side.
- Let worry stream off your back as if it is rain. Let it be carried away just as water drains off the street.
- Mind centering methods help immensely. Worry is infectious. Habits like structured meditation and regular exercise keep worry from entering the arena of fiction.
- Be concrete in your actions and your decision making process. Ascertain the facts and base your decisions on those facts instead of opinion or heightened feelings.
Take sensible precautions during this period of self isolation.
- Eat a healthy diet and get proper exercise and sleep.
- Take steps to address anxiety and stop it in its tracks using deep breathing exercise and/or alternative techniques to reduce stress.
- This is a really important time to bring structure into your life. Don't stay in your pjs all day. Brush your teeth in the morning. Stick to an exercise schedule.
- Late night TV's Jimmy Kimmel's wife has started Formal Fridays, dressing up even though there is no where to go. But there is somewhere to go, home, which is after all the most important place. Treat it that way.
- Being empathetic is a wonderful quality but not if you are losing sleep over feeling sad for someone else and therefore making yourself more vulnerable to illness. Worry for worry's sake is an emotional sponge that takes up vital energy we need for other purposes, especially today.
- You have to be healthy to care for other people. If you're not healthy or if what you do makes you less healthy, then it isn't care. It is something else.
- None of us knows what is going to happen. Ultimately this is a time of coming to terms with our life and doing whatever it is that makes us happy.
A personal note:
The story of my sister: My sister died in 1990 of cirrhosis of the liver at the age of 51. She had become a closet drinker and few knew of her substance abuse. What we did know was that she would frequently be in the midst of some awful problem that she could not solve that she constantly asked advice for (advice she would not take). The last 5 years of my parents' lives were overtaken with worry about her. And it was so easy to see why. Every day she would call in great pain over some new and terrible circumstance in her life. Her news was always the worst news and no matter what was suggested or offered, she was unable to solve anything. Her life was out of control. It got so bad that, since we were unaware of her drinking problems, we came to believe she was suffering from mental illness. Worry became a bottomless pit.
What a sweet person she was. She always stood up for the underdog. She had so much courage, yet she harmed herself deeply in the end because she did not have the tools or skills to help herself and instead relied on others to rescue her.
One important lesson learned from this experience is that when substance abuse is involved, no relief can be found unless the abuse itself is handled. Rational solutions had zero effect until her drinking was addressed. And no one knew this nor how to help her. One fruitful way to have given her aid would have been for us to attend Al-Anon meetings, not to pressure her into attending Alcoholics Anonymous herself but for us to attend the meetings that assist others involved. Being worried about her did not help her. It just caused pain in those near her and prevented us all from seeing what was really needed.
I bring up the dilemma of substance abuse, not because those we worry about today fall into the same category. But to offer relief from how too much worry does not lead to solutions. Instead, too much worry kills the soul and leaves you feeling that there are few alternatives when in fact those real solutions may be right in front of you.
What a sweet person she was. She always stood up for the underdog. She had so much courage, yet she harmed herself deeply in the end because she did not have the tools or skills to help herself and instead relied on others to rescue her.
One important lesson learned from this experience is that when substance abuse is involved, no relief can be found unless the abuse itself is handled. Rational solutions had zero effect until her drinking was addressed. And no one knew this nor how to help her. One fruitful way to have given her aid would have been for us to attend Al-Anon meetings, not to pressure her into attending Alcoholics Anonymous herself but for us to attend the meetings that assist others involved. Being worried about her did not help her. It just caused pain in those near her and prevented us all from seeing what was really needed.
I bring up the dilemma of substance abuse, not because those we worry about today fall into the same category. But to offer relief from how too much worry does not lead to solutions. Instead, too much worry kills the soul and leaves you feeling that there are few alternatives when in fact those real solutions may be right in front of you.
Other articles that help deal with the stresses of NOVID-19:
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A summary of what to do today.
The most important of all. Successfully handling the fear. Identify & amplify your strengths. The best way to relieve anxiety. For those who have problems. Reduces mucus in the lungs. |
Published April 12, 2020